October 17, 2015

Oblivion: To be remembered

I've watched 'The Fault in Our Stars' for quite a number of times. But last night,  when I watched it again, I could not stop from thinking about a term that has feared Augustus Waters. It's oblivion. Why? Because it hits me hard.

"I am mad. I am mad because I think you are special and is that not enough? You think that the only way to lead a meaningful life is for everyone to remember you, for everyone to love you. But guess what, Gus? This is your life. This is all you get. You get me and you get your family and you get this world and that's it. Amd if that's not enough for you then.. I'm sorry but it's not nothing. Because I love you. And I'm going to remember you."
- Hazel Grace Lancaster 

Deep inside, I want people to acknowledge my presence. To be famous, to be known by many, to be admired. How childish that dream is. I tend to stalk some famous people, from public figure to Insta-famous. I tried to capture their way of bringing themselves, the way that make people recognise them even from afar.

Until last night, a thought came and hit my mind. Why on earth did I want to be known by them? Will their admiration benefit me or dragging me down instead? Isn't those who are with me all these while ain't enough?

I started not to focus on the movie, and immersed into a very deep thought.

I hate history throughout my life, yet I want people to remember me. Funny isn't it?

As I dug into my blanket, I thought of my family. Pa has been working so hard for years, just to make sure our life will not be hard as his. Ma left her job, and took care the three of us since we were babies. Abang; he's a total pain in the ass, but he will be there for me despite his bebel. And adik; she is such a darling, and I could never trade her with anything.

Then I thought of my friends. I've maintained a very good relationship with most of my friends, that is a relief. My best friend since kindergarten. And suprisingly, I am still contacting my friends from the primary years, and I could not describe the beauty of the bond. As for my secondary years, I do keep in touch with a few; those that understand me well and are cool with that. I make more friends as I joined for volunteer work. And finally, I have more while in college, and a new best friend too (though most people say that you will not have any friend while studying for professional paper, I'm proving that the fact is wrong LOL).

And I have a boyfriend too *smirk* (not going to elaborate on this booooo buhbye)

I was blinded by all the 'good' views on being famous. Stupid me *sigh*

Right before I close my eyes, I prayed silently that I am thankful to Him for giving me a chance to get to know these people and live a life with them, and for Him to keep them at ease.