April 19, 2016

'Aku ni random kan'

Yes, sampai ke akhir hayat. Kau pergi pun random jugak. Why didn't we see the signs that you gave haih..

Semalam on the way balik, aku linkkan all the things that happened these past few months. Kau ajak kitorang pergi picnic, endless wayang, makan sana sini and karaoke some more. It's like every single week, mesti ada kita outing mana-mana. Cuma satu je kita tak dapat nak pi, Sungai Kemensah. Pernah terdetik dalam fikiran aku, tak penat ke minah ni hahaha.. Tapi, I never had the guts to say no to you. 

I've known you since January 2014, and kita betul-betul rapat last year, as we were the only one yang sambung ACCA right after CAT, together with Zuza and Alwani and a few others. Randomly buat plan weekend getaway by going to Melaka.

But this year, it seems as kita makin rapat. Padahal kau dah bawak kereta since last year kot.

Maafkan aku sebab tak call kau balik lepas line putus.

Tapi aku bersyukur, dalam hari-hari terakhir kau atas muka bumi ni, sempat lagi kau call kitorang. I'm glad that among all the things that started to part away from your memory, we were not one of those. Siap spam lagi kat group yang kau buat untuk kita berlima dengan benda-benda yang kau kirim dari Cameron Highlands. And 'jagung manis' was your final 2 words for us. Seriously weh hahahaha can't it be something better?

Raihan, kami minta maaf tak dapat tunggu kau sampai kau dikebumikan. Tapi, kau tengok tak ramai yang datang melawat kau semalam? Kau kata takde orang sayang kau kan hahahahaha.. Ramai weh, ramai yang sayang kau. 

You know what, Luqman ada mintak gambar kau sebab nak post kat FB APROS. Bila kitorang scroll gallery, muka kau mostly mengundang dan bersama food hahahaha.. Ada la satu dua yang decent, tapi yang lain tu ya Rabbiiii....

I still remember that moment I was suspected to have dengue. Kau bagi aku makan ramen. Sengal tahu tak hahahahaha dah la aku demam. Tapi masa kau sakit kepala, aku tak mampu nak buat apa sangat. Aku mampu picit je.

Last week was like a trial session for us. Kau tak datang kelas, and biar aku ngan Jir duduk berdua. Kitorang makan berempat. And today, we felt just like last week, as if you're still alive.

I lost a good friend of mine.

Raihan Farhana, I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you for all the memories. Our prayers will always be with you my dear.

Up to this moment, we miss you so much. We've done almost everything with you. And everywhere.

Take care Rai. Muncul dalam mimpi kitorang bila-bila?

Al Fatihah

Raihan Farhana binti Hj. Abu Samah
13 June 1995 - 18 April 2016

April 17, 2016

Part of the journey to success

Since day 1 of CAT and ACCA, this is my very first time of failing any paper. Yes, I failed. Not one, but two.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. My plans were screwed up, my parents were disappointed (they didn't say it, but I knew they were), my lecturer moved to another institution, and I'm lost. Totally lost for the first few days. In fact, I've been trying so hard to not blaming Him.

I don't know if I'm the one who's unlucky or December 2015 exam had been so hard on us, but my friends screwed up too. 

I could still remember that moment when we opened our email together. Jir, Rai and I had F9 class that morning, Zu and Aliah waited for us for our next class at 11. Normally results were out around 8 in the morning, but it delayed at that particular time. I'm not so sure if my mind was with the lecture, because I kept on refreshing my phone. I gave up at 9, and decided to keep my phone in my bag. As soon as F9 class had finished, we met at Family Issues class. I thinked Jir opened her email first, she passed F7 but failed F5. Rai and me failed both. Zu passed F4, but not F5 and F6.

My heart sank, and I'm clueless on what should I do next. I had no mood for the next class (the semester had just started anyway), so all of us decided to lepak at our usual makan place. As I sent a Whatsapp message to my lecturer, I started to cry.

My dream to fly abroad had been washed away. And now, this. BOOHOO!!

So, I then decided to repeat one of the papers in March 2016, so did Zu and Rai. However, Jir planned to repeat F5 in December 2016, so did Zu and Rai. I don't think I could cover F7 in a month time, in fact my F5 was nearing to the passing mark. Therefore, I moved on to repeat F5. Alone.

I've got myself mentally ready and keep on practicing the questions. I worked on the concept and theory part more as that was where I think I screwed up.

It was only a few days left when a lecturer condemned those who took the March paper. He said we're being fool enough to fail the previous sitting, and now we're making a silly decision by repeating a 6-month preparation in less than 2 months. I had worked so hard to keep a positive mindset that I'll pass this sitting, as well as coping with F8 and F9 classes. And yet he simply crushed me into pieces. I was supposed to go back with Rai, but I could not stop myself from breaking into tears any longer. I went for Asar prayer, and cried my heart out.

I promised to myself that I'll pass this sitting no matter. I wanted to show him that I'm not like what he'd thought.

Alhamdulillah I have Him with me all the way. He had made things easy (easy as in I'm relaxed throughout the 3 hours of examination) for me. In fact, my feelings was different compared to last sitting.

Result Day

I went to an Orang Asli village in Mendrod, Gua Musang for a community service together with my classmates since last Friday. We arrived in KL around 10+ at night, and it was very tiring. Nonetheless, it was fun though (despite the misundersanding part, well that's a norm right?). Too bad Rai couldn't join as well.

I was supposed to go to college as I had class at 9 this morning, but I'm tooooooo tired.

And guess what? This was what I saw as I checked my phone.

It's EARLIERRRRRRR than it should be. 

But seeing this as I hit the email notification (I was being very dramatic LOL covering the bottom part as I was too scared so I wanted to read it slowly),


Maybe He wants me to pray harder.
Maybe He wants me to work harder.
Maybe He wans me to focus more.

Syukran Ya ALLAH!

p/s: I hope they pass too!